A Man for Aubvey?

If I could just find me one of these in decent condition that didn't cost thousands of dollars, I think that Aubvey might just have herself a boyfriend!

Treaty Negotiations with the Alien Chestburster

When the Alien Chestburster came through the Atlantean Energy Generator, Emrald and Big Fish went on a diplomatic mission to make a peace treaty with it. But they brought Brittney along for backup just in case it wasn't feeling particularly peaceful.
Interdimensional security chief Lala Long says that she'll have a discussion later with Emrald about fooling with the Atlantean Energy Generator even though she's been warned not to touch it any more. She seems to be like The Spooky Guy and maintenance. He knows he shouldn't, but he can't stop himself. When he sees a saw, he has to saw. When Emrald sees a lever, she has to pull it. Like Ringo Starr, she is a born lever-puller.
Buzzoff

Brittney's New Man?

Satan's Son Nikki 666

Brittney's New Man The Real Son of Satan
by A Fungus From Yuggoth

There may be trouble in paradise for Satan's High Priestess Brittney and Undead Metalhead Quorthon. It seems that Brittney has been a little bored with Quorthon since he discovered the joys of parenthood and her evil eyes have been wandering. And when she spotted Satan's studly son, Nikki 666, as his band Devil Spawn opened for Death Cheese yesterday night, she couldn't take her eyes off him. Quorthon was so busy coaching his plethora of spawn in honing their musical technique that he didn't even notice when Brittney left--alone--with Naughty Nikki. This is not a good sign. Gossip hounds the Netherworld over suspect that B&Q's state of unwedded bliss is on the rocks.
A Fungus From Yuggoth

Italian Prime Minister Inspired by PANSI

Italian P.M. Silvio Berlusconi is inspired by PANSI'S wisdom

After an earthquake left thousands in his country homeless, Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi turned to the wisdom of PANSI for inspiration and gave his fellow Italians this brilliant thought from the Princess of Shallow Wisdom:
"They should see it like a weekend camping."
The Italian people wish to thank PANSI for this inspiration, and their Prime Minister for sharing it.
Dizzy Daisy

Helpful Axe Man?

PANSI has been having more trouble than she anticipated building her own church. So Axe Man decided to try and get on her good side--and hopefully in the sack with her--by ordering her a Build Your Own Church kit. Axe, however, ordered the Burn Your Own Church kit instead, effectively nuking any chance he had of getting busy with PANSI for eternity.

Scotty the Traveling Gnome

Leon (Feet at left), Brittney (front and center,) Emrald (Right center,) Raymond (the cat) and Rubber Chicken are posing with Scotty the Breast Cancer Awareness Gnome. Scotty is a friend of Terry the Crow's.

Diva vs. Diva

Writer Amanda McKittrick Ros was incensed by PANSI's dissing of her mad writing skillz

PANSI tells Mickey Ratt that she will open a can of Whoop Ass on "that talent less hack" if need be

Diva vs. Diva
by Mystic Xenia
When novelist Amanda McKittrick Ros heard that PANSI deemed her writing "UnReedable," she reportedly stated "that stuck up snotty plastic diva should be slapped with a scintillating Lutefisk of slitherosity." PANSI retaliated by saying that "a tomatoe could write a better script. Even Soggy could write a better script, and he's playing the GIANT SQUID!!!!!" She also said that while the rampant use of Whoop Ass in the Netherworld is "really unladylike" she isn't above opening a can on the likes of Ms. Ros.
To appease both camps, Ed Wood has asked Soggy to help write the Mermaid movie for PANSI and has placed Ms. Ros on a movie project for Emrald, whom he deems to be a more flexible and understanding sort of diva.
I predict that both movies will be very popular with the Vogons.
Mystic Xenia